the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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