My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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