the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Umm I'm too high to move.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
