so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
