Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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