Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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