You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
