so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
