he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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