GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
