i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize