I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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