Its about making memories worth repressing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
