Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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