i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
