All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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