I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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