can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
