we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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