So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
