I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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