dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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