I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A bitchslap is in order.
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