Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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