You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
