Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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