are you so shy because you have an std?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
