make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
