I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
