in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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