She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
