You made me cry and you don't even care
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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