i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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