I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
