At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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