We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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