I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
