Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
