You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
