Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
