My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
