I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I could make wine with my vomit
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
