operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
