it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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