Don't make out with my wife yet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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