Me. At least after what I've been through.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
