I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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