i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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