Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
