Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
