I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
