i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
