Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
