How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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