I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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