i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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