she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
