by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize