The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
