My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
