just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
