I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i came on her dog
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
