she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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