Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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